Make sure you've got your oil, filter, flush and a new crush washer for the sump plug before you start
Get the engine up to normal running temp.
Follow the instructions on the flush (usually it's chuck it in then run the engine for a given time).
Raise the front of the vehicle using ramps or jacks (support with axle stands if using jacks).
Place a suitable recepticle to catch the oil, remember you're gonna have 4.summat litres of dirty, cruddy oil which you really don't wanna spill on your drive. It'll come out with some velocity at first so be ready....
Undo the sump plug taking care not to get hot oil all up your arm.
Swear as you get hot oil all up your arm.
Swear again as the oil misses the contain and squirts all over the drive.
Swear again as the oil changes course as the velocity reduces so it again misses the repositioned container.
Grip the hot oil filter with both hands and try to turn it anti-clockwise.
Swear as you realise it isn't going to move and your hands are burning.
Swear again as you realise that you should've bought that filter wrench.
Get a screwdriver and a hammer.
Hammer the screwdriver through the filter.
Swear as more hot oil comes out of the holes in the filter.
Swear as you realise you should've have put safety glasses on.
Unscrew the filter.
Go and have a cup of tea while the last of the oil drains.
Fit the new crush washer to the sump plug, refit plug to sump and tighten.
Get the new filter, smear oil around the rubber seal so that it goes on better, refit and tighten by hand.
Lower the car to the ground.
Check oil capacity in the handbook.
Take oil filler cap off, pour in new oil.
Swear as the oil goes all over the engine and you realise you should've bought a funnel.
Get a cloth and clean up the spill.
Try to position the cloth to catch any more spillages.
Fill the oil to a bit less than the capacity in the book.
Check the dipstick then top up to the right level.
Start car, no throttle, make sure the oil light goes out.
Turn it off and check for leaks.
Check the dipstick again, top up to the right level.
Done!
Remember to dispose of your old oil in an environmentally safe manner
Edit: I'd typed all that shyte so I wasn't going to waste it!
