Those twats....

[Captain Jack]

I was driving today to work and I thought to myself.... that's a LOT of idiots on the road. I've already categorised them into the following:

1) Twats who drive 10 miles under the speed limit
2) Twats who drive at 40mph EVERYWHERE
3) Twats who pull out riiiight in front of you and then hold you up as a result of 1) and 2)
4) Twats who are slow at doing anything, such as realising the light is green after about 5 seconds after people (me) behind them started swearing at them... and, of course, those who take forever to turn into some road. What the feck are they AIMING for? It's not hunting... it's a road! Drive on it!
5) Twats in Audis and BMWs... They seem to have forgotten to include indicators from their "optional extras" list. But who cares when they can have stitching on their leather seats in a different colour and pattern.
6) Women and old coffin dodging drivers who are responsible for 90% of the above. They shouldn't be allowed behind the wheel. And women shouldn't even be allowed in the car at all.
7) New teenage drivers, who think their 1 litre Corsa "with wings" and front fog lights on in the middle of the day is "cool". Twats....
8 ) Twats with super-bright "xeon-gas" type lights. STOP BLINDING PEOPLE! YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE THE FKING ROAD!
9) Twats who sit in the middle or the outside lane on motorways/dual carriageways going slower than everyone else. THOSE LANES ARE FOR OVERTAKING ONLY!!
10) Twats in artic lorries who start overtaking another artic lorry for about 10 miles, making a motorway a single carriageway road.
11) Twats towing caravans.... go on a REAL holiday, you sad sad sad person, and stop holding up half a billion people
12) Twats carrying horse boxes. What's the point of a horse if you have to transport it everywhere in a box?? That's like me buying a car and pushing it all the way to work... Morons...

Oh look, coffee!...

[Welly]

That's like me buying a car and pushing it all the way to work

Is it a D8 or a D9 mate?

[Captain Jack]

Well, in your case it would be a D9 . Not that you have to buy as you already have it. It's a good thing you don't live far from work, eh?

[mjb]

That's like me buying a car and pushing it all the way to work

Is it a D8 or a D9 mate?

Everyone in the office is staring at me right now following a mild fit of pissing myself laughing! Bastard!

[TooT]

13) Twats who insist on going into the left lane at a roundabout everytime to go straight on when it is clearly painted on the road that the left lane is for turning left and right lane is for straight ahead.

14) Ford Fusion drivers (These people dont own a driving license because there that old they didnt need to get one)

[DaiRees]

oooh ooh I've got one from today.....

Twats who brake heavily in the outside lane of a dual carriageway because they've seen a lorry coming down the slip road 400m away and they feel the urge to insist that the van in the inside lane pulls out in front of them to allow space for said lorry to join the carriageway, even though said twat is travelling about 20 mph faster than said van and had he not braked like a cock, soooo nearly causing some other idiot to drive into the back of me bacause he was too feking close, all 3 of us would have been clear of said van with about 300m to go to the junction.

I've always said that if you need to brake on a motorway or dual carriageway, someone, somewhere is doing something stupid. So was this twat a polite and courteous driver, or a no brained fukwit menace to f*cking society arsehole:?:

There was actually another incident today too. Middle aged female twat in Jag X type estate with expensive looking personal number flew passed me when I was doing 50mph in a 50 zone, then proceded to brake to a complete stop (still in the 50 zone) in order to allow a bus travelling in the opposite direction to turn right accross our paths. She seemed taken aback when I signalled my displeasure at this masterpiece of vehicular piloting by copious use of the horn. I've seen some big crashes on that junction over the years including a handful of fatalaties, and they're usually caused by this kind of stupidity.

Ahhhh, I feel right better now like!

[puggy]

women driving through town and window shopping at same time ..... dangerous twats

women driving 200yds to school to drop kids off causing grid lock for 2hrs a day ..... idle twats

sunday drivers usually 65+ slowing down to look at some local landmark no indication or brake lights ..... irritating twats

kids walking cross road in front of you while staring at you (oh for death race 2000)... stupid little twats

ppl who stand on kerb with pushchair in the road waiting to cross ..... irresponsible twats

boyracers who have just passed their test and follow you sitting on your bumper in some small clapped out motor designed
primarily with old ppl in mind ..... stupid moronic fooking wannabees who need to accept the car they are driving is a piece
of sh*t ... twats

[Tiny Tim]

Jack, i live in Bournemouth... 6 and 11 are therefore commonplce!


However, 3 is my NEMESIS.

[teamster1975]

Speaking as a biker!

15) Tossers that pull into your path when you're filtering through traffic
16) Scooter boys
17) Taxi's doing a U-turn where they fancy

[TooT]

18) Tractor drivers. Your shinny 57 plate Massey Fergerson may well feel fast cruising at 30mph, but its not, get the f*ck out of the way so the 50 cars behind you can get on.

[adam03031980]

Come to peterborough i moved there a few years back and you could make money by putting bets on who will be the next driver sitting in the left hand lane that will actually turn right at a roundabout must be all that inbreeding

[adam03031980]

And why does my profile say 1.8 16v why cant i just be 2.0 HDI 110 its not fair

[Welly]

kids walking cross road in front of you while staring at you

Yeah, what is it with these 'yoofs' it's like, hey, I'm walking across the road, how dare you drive your car on it

White flammable trouser and cheap jewelry wearing twats

[Captain Jack]

Not really a moan at people, but do you notice that every single traffic light that you approach to, turns to red?? Even if there's noone waiting on the other side. Annoys the crap out of me. And, of course, if the twat in front of me was going a little faster then I'd probably make it through the lights without waiting in the first place!

[steve_earwig]

Ditto for here, exept the car in front then drives through the red light, leaving me yet again at the front of the queue craning my neck because they're too cheap here to fit lights on the other side of the junction as well