Hi guys,
Thanks for all the reply's and offers of help. After talking to a few diagnostics guys and having no luck finding a complete bsi/ecu/key/infra red barrel surround thingy, I've decided to reluctantly sell the old girl and thought I'd give the people who offered help first dibs! You lucky lads, you!

if none of you want it I'll stick a brand new thread up.
So here's the details:
It's a 406 executive 2.2 hdi estate
52 plate
Around 130k
Black paint
Window tints
Tinted sunroof
Alloys all round
Full leather seats
Heated front seats
Dog guard
Plastic boot tray
Cruise control
Electric mirrors/windows/sunroof
Spare wheel
Log book in my name
Air con
Bad points:
Around 15 different paint chips/rust bubbling all between 1/4 and 2 inches dia.
Some bubbling under a couple of the sill rubbers
A square inch tear in one of the rear quarter window tints
Dpf light comes on
Airbag light comes on
Engine immobiliser is activated -see thread for details!
Car won't start because of immobiliser so would need towing or trailering away.
Haven't driven it since October (I think) when I bought it and drove it home (to leicester) from Thirsk (near sunderland). Car drove fine apart from dpf light but that didn't affect it as far as I could tell (having not driven it without the light coming on!)
Think that's it but any questions, let me know.
If you want pics let me know and I'll try to put some up unless you have whatsapp which is easier for me as I'm a massive technophobe! In which case, pm me your number and I'll do my best to get back to you asap.
Cheers, Jay