Forgot to tell you about my near-miss

[highlander]

Is this the thread you were looking for?

That's the very thread - thanks Steve!

Feathery little bastards keep shitting on my Coupe The saloon has been sat stationary for almost a month and it's spotless, but the Coupe has become an avian waste magnet. Will wash it later if it stays dry (it won't, this is my luck we're talking about here)

[steve_earwig]

Perfect time to wash it if it's raining anyway You won't need to dry it either....

[FarmerPug]

How does birds manage to hit cars so efficently, at 70mph bird sh*t just lands so efficently on the windscreen leaving a big splat. Is there birds up in the sky following our cars ready to take the sh*t, and how could any other animal take a sh*t while not only moving but at 70mph. Ive even had some bird sh*t on my head, i didnt really notice i felt something hit my head and thought it was rain, then i was told there was sh*t in my hair.

[steve_earwig]

some bird sh*t on my head

[FarmerPug]

it did, but its apparently lucky, or so it fu*king needs to be.

[highlander]

"Bird" can also mean "woman" in some slang, just so you're aware.

I wouldn't consider being sh*t on by either avians or women as "lucky", unless you mean really bad luck.

[FarmerPug]

no it wasnt a woman it was a bird as in the flying one. Id say if it was a woman it would be bad luck, or else youd have definatley said or forgot to say something.

[Welly]

Women can sh*t on you in many many ways but a Pigeon can only sh*t on you in a defined, understandable and tangible way.

[TooT]

Hey, I have twated many a animal i my time, the species list is as long as my arm

Ones that stick out in my mind are a Deer which like Dai jumped over a field gate straight into the path of me, i didnt even get close to the brake pedal before i hit it sending it flying into the ditch. Killed out right that one and the other which im glad survived with no injuries is when a women in her 60's strolled out in front of the van. She just got pushed along really slowly as she held tight to the Sprinter bonnet. That sh*t me up good and proper

[FarmerPug]

What would be the best car to be hit by, id imagine an mg midget couldnt do much harm, or a peel p50.

[highlander]

Get hit by a Lada Riva and it will fall to many hundreds of pieces, scattering what little kinetic energy the damn thing ever had, leaving you completely unscathed.

[teamster1975]

I remember when a pheasant decided to launch itself into my path when I was on the motorbike; I near sh1t myself but luckily the visor was down so I didn't get pecked to death!

[FarmerPug]

pheasents arent exactly the sharpest knife in the block either, used to have one that ate its food along with the hens, then the rooster would want to fight with it, and rather than use the pheasents upper hand ie its ability to fly away this one walked straight for the fence, stuck its head through and sat down, there wasnt much the rooster could do, and the pheasent sat there quite happy.

[sirwiggum]

Get hit by a Lada Riva and it will fall to many hundreds of pieces, scattering what little kinetic energy the damn thing ever had, leaving you completely unscathed.

The thing about those old Ladas is that although the bodywork used soviet steel, the chassis was a pig iron recycled IBCM platform

So the body would have fell apart but the chassis would have carried on knocking your shins!

Also, regarding Pigeons. I hit one in a ZX once the bugger left a couple of deep scratches. What is it about birds? I can understand animals that run around in 2 dimensions getting onto the road and having nowhere else to go, but birds the thick buggers have the entire 3rd dimension (of which a Pug only takes up just over a metre) in which to fly up and down as well as sideways and across!
How do they still manage to knock themselves into cars?

Had a friend scooped up a Pheasant in the front bumper grille of a VRS Fabia once. The scoop acted like a tray, the Pheasant would have made good game pie if any of us knew how to gut a bird!

[FarmerPug]

well cut the head, put a knife down the middle and i think thats it. No ive no idea, just give it to the dog they know how to sort a pheasent out.
Did anyone hear the story about the hedgehog crossing the road, he was told by 2 rabbits to stand between the 2 lights and duck down, so he was on the left hand side and a car came, he lined himself in the middle ducked and the car passed. Then while on the other side a pair of lights come, he gets into the middle THUD. One rabbit says to the other, you forgot to tell him about the reliant robin.