Buying a tv..

[steve_earwig]

Greetings fellow sufferer.

Well, my other half's tv finally gave up the ghost yesterday, after almost 20 years of sterling service (her ma rots her brain with it all day watching soap operas). After a "discussion" about how she shouldn't buy another one just for her ma to watch crap all day with it I finally caved in and we went to town to buy a new one today. Now, not being so up-to-date with tvs I had a quick look on the web and decided that, owing to what they laughingly call tv sheduling here, we'd be better off with one with this picture-in-picture systems, so we can keep an eye on the channel were wating on but don't have to sit through 25-30 adverts, or turn the adverts off and find the program actually started 10 minutes early.

So, owing to the almost total lack of anything online, off we went.

First shop, about 3 tellies with this pip, very pricey.

Second shop, they have one, it's about 600 quid ( ) and a bit big (bearing in mind it's got to fit in a wall unit) but, along with the pip, it's also got a 80 gig hard drive - start watching the program 20 minutes late, wind forward all the ads. Brilliant, can we have one please? "We've only got the display one left so I'll have to box it up for you." "The display one? Do we get a discount because it's been sitting on here for 6 months?" "I'm sorry but I'm not allowed to do that." "Goodbye".

Third shop, they have the same one but a bit cheaper. Hmm.

Fourth shop (right next door), had no pips, when we asked why not we were told they go wrong too much.

Fifth shop, just closed (bastards!)

Sixth shop, very helpful guy who told us to be careful with the pips as not many have 2 tuners so rely on something else, either cable box (don't have one) or satellite (isn't 10 channels of crap enough?) but they don't go wrong any more than anything else. Ah, splendid, do you have one?" "No." So...

Third shop (again), can we have one of these please? "We've only got the diplay one left so I'll have to box it up for you." "Ummm, any chance of etc. etc.?" "I'm sorry but..." Goodbye."

Seventh farking shop, not one sodding two reciever fecking pip.

So, back at hers and all we've got is her mum's tiny (i.e. microscopic) portable. Of course, it's all my fault for being a fussy fecker. She's stormed off to do some ironing and is generally not talking much.

Oh yes, I did some more checking, not only are these tellies expensive, they are also ALL out-of-date models. Ever wondered how they get rid of all the old stock? They send it here. Nice.

[DaiRees]

Sounds like you had one of those days matey

Why is there nowt on t'internet. Do the big online retailers not ship internationally?

[steve_earwig]

Not often to non-EU countries and if they do it gets taxed (22%) and you have to pay customs - £££££££££

[steve_earwig]

Oh yes, we're Pal B here too, UK tellies don't work

I forgot that, so why all the old tellies??? Too tired to think about it now, the couch beckons

[Captain Jack]

Oh yes, we're Pal B here too, UK tellies don't work

Aren't all semi-new TV's multi-standard anyway?

[steve_earwig]

I'm not really sure, my mate brought a fairly new Sony out here with him, that's when we found out about the pal-b. We looked all over the 'net but didn't find anything so we took it to a place where they fix 'em, the guy had it a couple of days and couldn't do anything with it. The only thing we could have done is change the receiver boards... They all say they're pal, ntsc and secam but which sub-division is anyone's guess. The only way to find out would be to buy one in the uk, ship it out here and plug it in.

It's the same idea of the regions on dvds, you can't buy a cheaper one from a neighbouring country. The difference between pal and pal-b seems to be the frequency offset between the video and audio signals, you can have a brilliant picture but no sound or good sound but a lousy picture.

Jargon. More jargon.

[Captain Jack]

Yeah, the 'B' denotes a sound carrier frequency. Video is exactly the same in all PAL countries (except PAL-M, which is 60Hz). My uncle had a Panasonic TV (old 21") and he was able to adjust the frequency of the sound carrier. My 36" CRT Tosh is "multi-standard" but nowhere can I select the sound carrier mode - I guess it's automatic.

[Captain Jack]

Oh, of course if you don't intend on using the tuners, but a satellite/cable box to connect using Scart/cinch/HDMI etc... then obviously the sound carrier frequency doesn't matter!

[Welly]

STOP!!

For a woman a TV needs a switch to make it come on, another to make it louder or quieter, and another to change channels.

Fin.

Stop with the PIP/PAL stuff.

(honestly)

[steve_earwig]

Oh, of course if you don't intend on using the tuners, but a satellite/cable box to connect using Scart/cinch/HDMI etc... then obviously the sound carrier frequency doesn't matter!

Thereby making this pip pointless We could get a satellite of course, but instead of 7 crappy channels in Croatian and 3 more crappy channels in Slovinijan, we could have them in German, Italian, Hungarian... Some discovery channels (not sure what language) Oh, and BBC world of course. Super.

[steve_earwig]

STOP!!

For a woman a TV needs a switch to make it come on, another to make it louder or quieter, and another to change channels.

Fin.

Stop with the PIP/PAL stuff.

(honestly)

That's a good point, she didn't even bother to work out how to use the video/dvd combo I bought her, so really all this pip/pop/pap/pup rubbish is for my own personal entertainment. The thing is, I absolutely detest adverts and when you have to sit through 30+ between programs and around 20 during them, I tend to go a little nuts. They keep you on your toes though, sometimes there's just one - the adverts come on, you turn over or do something else and when you come back you missed a whole load. There's also the scheduling, the tv guides are almost always wrong, so you look on the teletex, which more often then not is wrong too, so in order to tape a film you need to start recording an hour before and use the whole tape. And pray the didn't cancel the film to show a handball match. Or cut 20 minutes of it out to fit more adverts in.

[DaiRees]

That sounds like fun... Eurosport piss me off with their crappy timings and not sticking to schedules. I can kind of understand it with live sport, it's bound to overrun sometimes, but they now have the ability to update sky's TV guide instantly, which will then tell your sky+ to record it at the new time, I noticed BBC2 did this the other day, didn't miss a thing. But oh no, Eurosport are just too damn lazy.

[Welly]

I've learned many times now that techology is totally totally lost on women.

You 'teach' them how to use stuff and when they f*ck it up, and they will, they blame you.

I still get phone calls at work from her trying to play a DVD for the tea pot lids but it won't 'come on' the screen (you have to select AV1/AV2 etc because the SKY box dominates here and both play through SCART leads).

Her indoors new car has got climate control - simple right? put it in 'auto' then select the temperature you like best, simple right?..... WRONG!....."the car's too hot"......."you haven't show me how to work it properly".

In this car, right under the temperature display are 2 buttons: a blue 'down' arrow and a red 'up' arrow yes that's right - blue means colder, or, less heat if you like - and red means hotter, or, more heat. Shall we run through that again just in case? shall we?

[steve_earwig]

That sounds like fun... Eurosport piss me off with their crappy timings and not sticking to schedules. I can kind of understand it with live sport, it's bound to overrun sometimes, but they now have the ability to update sky's TV guide instantly, which will then tell your sky+ to record it at the new time, I noticed BBC2 did this the other day, didn't miss a thing. But oh no, Eurosport are just too damn lazy.

Plus? Plus! hahahahahohohohohehehehehe

Welton, my other half doesn't drive so at least I'm spared that one! I bought her a food processor once, she uses a slicing board for slicing up veg, you slide the veg along it and there's a horizontal blade raised about 1/8" that slices a bit off, how she's never taken her finger tips off too is anyone's guess. It scares me and I won't use it, so I bought her this food processor thing: it slices, it dices, it shreds, it mixes, it blends, it sits on top of the microwave unused because she doesn't know how to use it.

And if she ever reads this I'm dead.

[Welly]

how she's never taken her finger tips off too is anyone's guess.

That's because women have asbestos/kevlar coated hands! they can dip their hands in superheated steam without flinching, they can pick up hot dishes without gloves...a mere vegetable slicer is no problem.

Oh and Steve, can you move the food mixer please because I need the room to store our Russel Hobbs 'capaccino/expresso' maker thanks.