joke

[trem1]

It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London.


A Scotsman, an Englishman a Welshman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets

.The Scotsman picks up a manhole-cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate" McTavish, Scotland," he says, "Discus," and in he walks

.The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his
shoulder
"Waddington-Smythe, England," he says, "Pole vault," and in he walks.
.
The Welshman picks up a crowd control barrier, "Dai Greene, Wales, 400m Hurdles" and in he strolls

The Irishman looks around, picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it
under his arm. "O'Malley, Ireland," he says, "Fencing."
.

[lozz]

I've just bought a raffle ticket to win a cruise in the Med.

Last week it was a rollover...

[trem1]

I've just bought a raffle ticket to win a cruise in the Med.

Last week it was a rollover...

that was my next one lol

[lozz]

The Labrador.




Paddy tells Mick he's thinking of buying a labrador.

'Fook off' say's Mick, 'are you mad'!?!
'Have you seen how many of their owners go blind'?

[Doggy]

[scotty73]

An 80 year old man finds his wife doing a handstand naked against a wall. Shocked, he asks "wot u doing". She says "i no u cant get it up so i thought u cud drop it in"

[lozz]

A beautiful woman was walking down the street when she was approached by
a man.
The man said, "You are perfection, I must have you right now!
I'll drop £500 on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for
you to pick it up I can have had my way with you roughly from behind!"
The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute.
She called her friend on her mobile phone and told her about the man's
proposition.
Her girlfriend said, "He's an idiot, take it cos when he drops the £500
on the ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he even gets
his pants down."
Call me back and tell me what happened." The friend
says.
An hour and a half later the lady had still not
called back
so her friend called her,
"Well? What happened?" the friend asked.
The lady said,
"The b@stard had it in 50p's"

[lozz]

....Performance Enhancer. .................... (Another Email Joke, not mine lol,)




i used a performance enhancer for the 1st time
ever in the bedroom with my wife last night.




i wore a blindfold

[lozz]

This ones a good en,



......................................................................................................................................................................................

A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter and sees it's filled to the brim with £20 notes. The man guesses there must be thousands of pounds in it.
He says to the bartender; "What's up with the jar?"

”Well,” says the bartender, “you pay twenty pounds and, if you pass three tests, you get all the money."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?

"Pay first," says the bartender. "Those are the rules."

So the man gives him the £20 and the bartender drops it into the jar.

"OK," the bartender says, "here's what you need to do.
First you have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila... the whole thing, all at once... and you can't make a face while doing it.

Second, there's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.

Third, there's a 92 year-old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've got to make things right for her."

The man is stunned. "I know I paid my £20, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You’d have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things ..!."


"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."

As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks "Wherz zatcteeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.

Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and soon all the people inside the bar hear a frantic, noisy, scuffling going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then.... silence.

Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large, bloody scratches all over his body.

"Now," he says, "where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"

[lozz]

I've just started cage fighting, I 'won my 1st fight earlier today...










The f*cking budgie never knew what hit it

[lozz]

> Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop . They head to the bird
section
and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks if
he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in
dat cage up dere," says Gerry.
> The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay
for
the
birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of
the Connor Pass.
> At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says,
"Dis
looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the box, puts one
on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
> Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to
the
bottom, killing himself stone dead.
> Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head
and
says,
>
>
>
> "Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!"
>
> THERE'S MORE...
>
> Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass. He's been to the
pet
shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another
cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
> "Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the box
and
lets him fly free.
> He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
> Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the
parrot.
> Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom
and
breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes his head and says,
>
> "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!"
>
> IT IS NOT OVER YET...
>
> Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean
appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box
out of which he pulls a chicken.
> Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the
cliff
and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
> Once more Paddy shakes his head. "Fook dat, lads. First dere was
Gerry
with his budgiejumping, den Seamus parrotshooting..and now Sean and his
fook'n hengliding

[trem1]

New Wipers

I got a new set of wiper blades on my car I think they might be too big because they hang over the edges a little, but I don't care, they work great and I would have to say that they are the only blades I have ever had that I actually like to watch working.
Call me crazy, but lately I have been driving around non-stop with them on. I've even been pulled over and the cop asked to go for a ride so he could watch them work.

They were outrageously expensive, but safety is my main concern and like I said, they work great. Let me know if you would like a pair for your car.

scrolldown......

NSFW!

















































Impressive design, elegant hardware, although I have some reservations about the washer option !!

[lozz]

Qwarr,

got anymore pics of them? on differnt cars

[steve_earwig]

I think I'd be interested to see how they perform at high speed...

[scotty73]

I'd love to see how they perform under all the different peugeot settings... especially the clever one that puts your wipers on everytime she cums.....Oh dear god lol.