Email jokes from my bro.

[lozz]

Tell me the truth,


After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.
"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"
"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".
Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.
"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13

[lozz]

taxi driver,


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... edhGqOAxkU

[scotty73]

Tell me the truth,


After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.
"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"
"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".
Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.
"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13

Thats a question i often get asked i always say 5 because i aint got the heart to tell her she's unlucky number 13.

[DaiRees]

Cruel bugger

[scotty73]

Cruel bugger

I'm to old to remember the ones i was to drunk to remember or were easier to forget.

In my defense we been together err umm what is it 18 years? and i been a good boy since.

[scotty73]

I was watching my next door neighbour's daughter sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was knocking one out I turned to notice my missus just stood there, arms folded, watching me.

Is she a pervert ?

[lozz]

man sh**in a 30 stone women, he says
any chance we can have the light switched off ?
she said why do you find me repulsive ? he said
no its burning my a*se

[lozz]

Just split up from my cross-eyed girlfriend.



I am sure she was seeing someone else

[lozz]

Daddy's car in the woods?

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods..Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a
passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and
started to tell his mother.'Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.I went back to look and he was
giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt.Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...'

At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time.I want to see the look on Daddy's
face when you tell it tonight.'

At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.Then Aunt Jane helped
Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs....'

Mummy fainted!

Moral:
Sometimes you need to just shut the f##k up and listen to the whole story before you interrupt!

[Captain Jack]

I was watching my next door neighbour's daughter sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was knocking one out I turned to notice my missus just stood there, arms folded, watching me.

Is she a pervert ?

Yes.

And any pictures of the event?

[scotty73]

I was watching my next door neighbour's daughter sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was knocking one out I turned to notice my missus just stood there, arms folded, watching me.

Is she a pervert ?

Yes.

And any pictures of the event?

Sorry mate my hands were full

[Captain Jack]

Hands?

[scotty73]

Hands?

Busted, ok my thumb and one finger.

[lozz]

went shooting at the weekend, shot my first Turkey, it scared the sh*t out of the people in Farmfoods



..............................................................................

I rang Babe station last night and a woman answered,

she said "Hey sexy, what can I do for you?"


I said "F**king hide, the missus is coming and I've lost the remote"

[lozz]

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