Funny insurance claims

[Welly]

This collection of statements has been collected from REAL insurance claim forms submitted to insurance companies by members of the public. Following driving incidents and accidents, drivers are asked to give the details of what happened in the fewest possible words... Sometimes with hilarious consequences!

Car Accidents...
•I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
•As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
•My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
•The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
•A truck backed through my windshield into my wife''s face.
•I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
•I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
•I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
•The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
•I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.

Incidents with Pedestrians..
•The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
•I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
•To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.
•The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
•The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.
•I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
•A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
•I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact.

Collision and Calamity
Some drivers can have accidents even when there are no pedestrians or other vehicles in sight...

•Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don''t have.
•I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
•I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
•In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
•The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.
•I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
•The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.
•I pulled in to the side of the rode because there was smoke coming from under the hood. I realized there was a fire in the engine, so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.
•The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.

Who is to Blame?
Drivers are often asked to explain on the insurance claim form who they think was to blame for the accident...

•The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
•I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control.
•On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke.
•I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.
•The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal.
•I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
•An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

[DaiRees]

Welly in "Jasper Carrot Moment" shocker...

Very good though

[steve_earwig]

Thems almost as old as I am

More here

These are fairly ancient too.

[Welly]

Sorry, wondered if it was a bit old but hit you with it anyway

Maybe some of our younger members will appreciate it

[Doggy]

The one that always amused me was the posters you got on the back of buses:

KEEP YOUR DISTANCE! - 1 Yard per MPH.

Now, if you follow this to it's logical conclusion, what is the correct distance when the bus stops?

[steve_earwig]

Zero yards obviously, i.e. when the bus stops you have to jam on your brakes and come to rest just touching it. Sounds fair enough to me

[teamster1975]

Made me laugh Welly, your wit is not wasted
Do I count as a younger member now Steve?

[DiscoPol]

Do I count as a younger member now Steve?

you wish Teamy

[teamster1975]

Scuppered!