Guess who made a complete t%@t of himself today?

[DiscoPol]

that will be me then



just off to the outlaws but will regale you with my story of utter idiocy when i return, feel free to comment away in that loving caring way you guys do

[DaiRees]

Hmmm, nice, did you ruin the carpets?

[plod]

What's up...............don't tell me....you meant to turn right ?

[omega]

the sat nav told me to do it...

[HimBigChief]

What, no James Bond style submarine mode as standard? Take it back to the dealers!

[trem1]

i remember my 406 looking like that
well not quite the water was only 6" deep for me

[Doggy]

Is that where they come from?

[steve_earwig]

I hesitate to laugh 'cos I don't know if you killed it. Hope not anyway. I dunno about where you are but here I could go out and conjure up half a dozen tractors in about 20 minutes...

[omega]

it also reminds me of that bloke who drove his 406 on the frozen river....till it did a titanic!!

[TRAVIS BICKLE]

Wheres Clarkson and May when you need them

[DiscoPol]

Well, where do i begin?
let me start by saying that its not dead, far from it, its a tough old tractor but thanks for the concern Steve,

I have not more than 7Km away from me an old sand pit/gravel pit quarry type thing that is used by all the local off roaders and a few quad riders etc etc, now having an old Disco and not being bothered about the paint work as its a seller not a keeper, my brother in law and i frequently take a spin round it when there isn't anything else to do.

Its bloody good fun and just the sort of thing you could never do back in the UK, the whole site must be about 3km x 2km it here if you are interested, but i reckon this was taken a while ago because its a lot bloody muddier than that at the moment.

So off we went today for a quick session, me my brother in law and my lad, the wife hates off roading as she is scared by it all.
we spent a good hour trundling up and down the sides of the old sand pit doing a few laps of the old perimeter line and generally being boys, most of the mud has dried up a fair bit at the moment as we haven't had much rain recently but it is a good few degrees below most nights now and struggles to get up above 5 during the day, but dry.

we did some great hill climbs and scary looking decents in the region of 50 degrees and more, after a recent service the old disco is pulling really well and we were managing a lot of the previously impossible bits we couldn't do earlier in the year helped by the fact that its drier than its been and maybe my increased confidence in the ability of my trusty steed.

so on the last lap round the site we trundled up to the water you can see me in, in the pic, now i have always avoided this water as there is a bypass that runs round either side and i didnt know the depth as i hadn't ever been bothered to get out and prod at it with a big stick, you see i used to do a bit of off roading and do kind of understand the basics, ie dont drive what you dont know and never go out alone, always stick it in diff lock before you get into trouble etc etc etc, well i broke just about every rule today, we were alone i didnt know the depth and i only had it in low ratio not diff locked and well the rest speaks for itself really, in we went, down she went and stuck fast on the what i later discovered was a fecking great ridge between the ruts under 2 foot of very muddy and bloody freezing water.

I tried everything i could think of to get us out but it wasnt for moving, i was wading about up to my thighs in cold muddy slippy water trying to wedge stuff under the tyres, trying to lever at it with half trees, rocking it wildly side to side whilst my BiL was sat in the driving seat but it wasnt for shifting, now you have to remember i dont speak Polish very well and we are in the middle of nowhere im not a member of any breakdown agencies and even if i was they would A, never find us and B, probably not have a vehicles capable of getting to us let alone pulling us out. I called a friend who used to drive up there and asked him what the procedure was if you got stuck and he told me your "buddy vehicle" helps you out, er slight problem there

in the end a couple of locals on quads came by and we soon had a string of 4 quads (one having a winch, very cocky indeed!) tied on to the tow hitch trying to haul 2.3 tonnes of stuck idiot out of the water hole, it was no use what so ever but one of the quad riders was the local quad hire guru, who after much piss taking and good humoured banter said he would be back in half an hour with something to pull me out and god to his word he came back in his 3.5 tonne merc sprinter flat bed with 4 quads on the back, a hook appeared from out of the back of the pick up and was passed to me still bollock deep in cold muddy water fastened on to the tow hitch and i got in stuck it in reverse low ratio difflocked gave it some pedal and was unceremoniously hauled out by him and his 12 year old son who was nigh on pissing himself as he was in the driving seat in the sprinter also giving it some gas to stop it dragging backwards as he winched me out.

Handshakes were offered and taken and i tried to slip the guy some beer tokens but he just wouldn't have it, in my poor Polish i told him i was very grateful and i was an ass, he agreed but with a smile on his face, i think he than said some along the lines of "crazy donkey/ass, next time check!" but as i said my Polish still isn't up to scratch yet and funnily my Bil wouldn't tell me exactly what he said.

So the Result of my "quick" off roading session is the bumper i spent 2 days stripping off and cleaning, rust treating and putting back on with the lower valance all repaired and spayed up lovely matt black, well that's in three pieces, the carpets in the drivers side are under an inch of mud the front seats are as the carpet the dash and everything else i have touched has full muddy hand prints etc. etc. and all this because i said to the wife that since i was about to wash the outside i may as well nip up there and get it muddy first and i had just cleaned and hoovered out inside as it was looking like mobile skip now that im working full time and doing 300-350 miles a week in the thing.

Am i embarrassed/ashamed and have i learnt my lesson?

not at all it was great fun and im off there again tomorrow

[FarmerPug]

same as my suzuki on the first day i got it i drove it straight in through a big shuck (good old n.ireland slang for a drain) and being the suzuki it didnt get stuck just ploughed straight through but let plenty of shite in, so i ripped all the carpets out of it, and the suzuki has 4 holes in the floor to drain water and muck, so now its just a case of using a hose to flush all out. Cant wait to get it going again, am waiting on a vitara to come going to put its 1.6 into my samurai. But your lucky in your disco it has a roof, in the sammy it usually covers you in all the muck it goes through.

[teamster1975]

Excellent story as always Disco! You'll have to get a snorkel fitted to it next, that must have been pretty close!

[DiscoPol]

You'll have to get a snorkel fitted to it next, that must have been pretty close!

A good 12 inches to go before it drowned Teamy, but yes a snorkel is on the shopping list amongst other things

as a consequence of my weekends tw@tting about session this morning i went out at 7.30am for work and she started on the button even though it was -6 stuck her in gear and tried to pull away and it felt like the handbrake was still on, so i checked the lever and it was down, seems like the Land Rover transmission brake drum had filled with water whilst she sat submerged and last night it froze solid resulting in her not moving this morning till i took decisive action to free it

Parked up tonight and left it in gear without the brake on, its like having the bloody 406 back

speaking of the old 406 its down to a bodyshell with the 2 rear doors and bootlid, thats it!
oh and the interior, which seems a waste as the seats were really comfy and still in good nick

[Bailes1992]

Oh, DiscoPol!