Jokes/general banter,(NSFW) Dont read if easily offended.

[lozz]

Just a few to start the ball rolling, anyone got any,:



Tescos are giving double clubcard points on burgers and petrol as from Monday.

The deal is called 'Only Fuel and Horses'



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I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me.
My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable.
It seemed to take an age but eventually there she was, stood beside me.
I gave her a cheeky wink and said


" Get that f*cking trolley over here, they're doing 3 cases of Stella for the price of 2!
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Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed lezbians.. It's called Trydixagain.


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A wife being the romantic sort, sent her husband a valentines text from her mobile telephone ...


If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.

If you are laughing, send me your smile.

If you are eating, send me a bite.

If you are drinking, send me a sip.

If you are crying, send me your tears.

I love you.



.


.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
He sent a text back ... "Im having a crap What do you want me to do with it?
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As usual the newspapers are scaremongering.

How on earth are the Romanians going to come flooding in to Britain when we've eaten their transport ?

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[Sonia406]

Loved them all, especially the joke about the Stella

[steve_earwig]

Under the banner of "don't read if easily offended"... http://www.sickipedia.org/subcategory/view/3680

[lozz]

[lozz]

this ones nsfw, (18!)

someof the estate owners where on this subject earlier, naming no names,


http://www.sickipedia.org/subcategory/view/806 some of them are bit bad,

[Ares]

hahaha this is good Lozz,doggin had a good laugh

[lozz]

Petrol is way too f*cking expensive these days. I actually can't afford to drive. Last time I went dogging, I had to ask my mum to give me a lift.

best one ithink :

[lozz]

Still no puggy here,

anyone heard anything off him yet, sent him a pm no reply:

[Doggy]

Not a sausage.

Hope he's OK. One day we'll all have to lower our game, but let's hope it's not for a long while yet.

Some really good ones there.

[lozz]

(One day we'll all have to lower our game)

sorry lost ya there mate: sorry im thick as two short planks,


Yeah ihope puggy is Alright too, forum aint the same withought him,
thought he wouid of popped in the forum by now,its been a while,

[Sonia406]

this ones nsfw, (18!)

someof the estate owners where on this subject earlier, naming no names,


http://www.sickipedia.org/subcategory/view/806 some of them are bit bad,

Hey - it wasn't me your honor
I believe Scott started it,

Is it wrong I did like the way you said 'estate owners' - say it again

[lozz]

Estate owners


er or is it ? Dogging waggon owners

[scotty73]

this ones nsfw, (18!)

someof the estate owners where on this subject earlier, naming no names,

i own a two bedroom end terraced i wouldn't call it an estate.

[Sonia406]

i own a two bedroom end terraced i wouldn't call it an estate.

Funny man

Estate owners


er or is it ? Dogging waggon owners

Oooooo yerrrrrrrrr - that sounded good

I'll have you know I've done none of those shenanigans in my estate YET.

[Doggy]

When I was a lad, 'dogging' meant absenting oneself from school.

I have resolved never to tint the windows of my estate, (or consider purchasing one that's had this treatment).