Had to call 999 last night =(

[Sonia406]

My daughter, nearly 5 years old was born with a congenital heart defect. As a direct result she's had to have major open heart surgery which was life saving.
At one point in intensive care we nearly lost her.

I left my ex last March and for reasons I won't go into detail about: he has the 3 girls living with him perminatetly, and I have the boys. Every other weekend they are with me and every other weekend they are with him. Having only a provisional license he does the traveling and I pay fuel money to see my own children.


Yesterday M arrived for her weekend visit cold, lifeless and blue.
Her saturations fell to just below 80%. This was a warning sign.
I called the doctors who advised me to ring 999 for an ambulance. (I was in such a blind panic when the GP said to ring for an ambulance, I had to ask what was the number)

I tried to warm her up as best I could but nothing was working.
A few short minutes later the ambulance turned up (first response) and the eldest son let him in. Her sats on his monitor were 92%. He then put it on her ear and it gave a reading of 100%.
Normal reading through her finger tips is 98% will decrease as her heart starts to fail.
Being subject to cold temperatures and being in appropriately dressed she had fallen ill from neglect.
A few minutes later her very own ambulance crew arrived. I was given a choice whether to send her in or not, the fact she has been through heart surgery and presented with such cold, blue fingers and so lifeless they could of taken her in. However with no return transport and Dad still injured from his crash, I decided she was well enough to remain home for the time being.

This never will go away. I live life in fear of these moments; I am just glad that this time she recovered. This man is going to kill my daughter and no mother should go through what I am. And no little girl should go through what he is subjecting to her.

He made me ill, he made me bed bound and in a wheelchair, what chance does my daughter have, living with a man like this?

This is a man who thinks that ''repair'' operation has cured her, where as the harsh reality of it is, she could go into cardiac arrest at ANY given moment, she is slowly going to deteriorate and go into heart failure, and needing a pulmonary valve replacement at some point and even a new heart.
She is going to need life-long treatment and care, something he doesn't give a flying sh*t about

I don't want to send her back tomorrow but I have little choice, It's now in the court order that although we both have shared custody I can not do such a thing (which, for the record is what he did in the first place to get the girls off of me last year..............)


The sad and harsh reality is, one of these days she will be a life/ death situation again and may not recover, it sends the chills down my spine whenever I see an ambulance with it's blues and twos on.
And in credit to the Oxfordshire ambulance team last night, the first response was on the scene within 10 minutes and the ambulance van here within 20 minutes, they must of had their blue lights on for us.

[steve_earwig]

Oh bluddy hell, that's a nightmare Can you ex be reasoned with? Can you ask him if he can cope or would she be better off with you? I know the obvious suggestion would be to go to see your solicitor but you probably know as well as I do that with a "family" solicitor everybody loses, apart from the solicitors naturally.

[Sonia406]

Oh bluddy hell, that's a nightmare Can you ex be reasoned with? Can you ask him if he can cope or would she be better off with you? I know the obvious suggestion would be to go to see your solicitor but you probably know as well as I do that with a "family" solicitor everybody loses, apart from the solicitors naturally.

Yep, just finished 4 court hearings and it is to stay how it is. I did actually say to him to keep the twins but just return M because of her heart condition: but he is a very controlling man and no one can reason with him. Not even professionals - he is that stubborn and self centered.
I have all this paperwork that say she arrived cold, blue and lifeless and I will forward that to his social worker as with him they are all subject to a child in need plan, where as our social worker has case closed us because - I am the better parent.

[V6Exec]

Firstly - best wishes and hope she is doing well now.That really is a nightmare to be in.

As she is clearly "unwell" and has had to have the ambulance out, is there not the option that she should rest with you for at least the week to build up strength?

[rwb]

Flippineck
Glad things turned out alright this time, and I hope they continue to do so.

[waue1978]

Yep, just finished 4 court hearings and it is to stay how it is. I did actually say to him to keep the twins but just return M because of her heart condition: but he is a very controlling man and no one can reason with him. Not even professionals - he is that stubborn and self centered.
I have all this paperwork that say she arrived cold, blue and lifeless and I will forward that to his social worker as with him they are all subject to a child in need plan, where as our social worker has case closed us because - I am the better parent.

That reads to me like it isn't actually fully case closed at the moment with custody as if social workers are still involved with the girls, there's still the doubt as to whether he is a fit parent. If they decide he isn't, then they could be looking to you to take the girls too.

How old are your other girls? Whilst you may not be able to (legally) watch M while she's with him, it would certainly make sense to "train" your other daughters in a few emergency procedures & checks that they can do on their baby sister. That is, if they're old enough to be able to.

[Sonia406]

Girls have returned to him. To keep them I would be in breach of a court order and would be punished for breaching it.
Thanks for the idea, sadly the twins are 19 months younger than M, and they have only just turned 3.

I will be scanning in all relevant paper work from the ambulance service and sending the social services a copy with a covering letter.
Because he is her carer and now taking her to appointments even I don't know what her ''normal'' readings are, both oxygen saturations (SAT's for short) and her ECG reading, (heart rate etc).

Whilst Friday her heart was beating within normal range for a child, was it the 'normal' for her?
I asked him on Saturday when I bucked up courage to tell him I had to call 999, I asked what her ECG readings are usually, his reply was 98.
Last Cardiologist appointment her SAT's were at 98%.
This knobber doesn't have the first idea about her and had that paramedic asked HIM what her condition was he would be able to tell the name but he wouldn't of been able to tell him it was 1) An over-riding aorta, 2) narrowing of the pulmonary artery and 3) a ventricular septal defect grade 3/6 (hole).

I am so f*cking angry it's unreal. My daughters life in this uncapable mans' hands. He even said on his first statement to court this operation ''cured'' her

God, I so need to calm the f*ck down

Worst part is when she runs off screaming when it comes to him picking them up, screaming, crying for Mummy yet Mummy has no option but to send her back. She must think I hate her. Happy f*cking Mothers Day eh?

[V6Exec]

Sorry to see that this episode has marred the mother's day weekend for you.

Given the sensitivity of the subject, perhaps it would be best if the thread was removed. It would be awful if he was able to use any of it against you in what must be a very distressing situation.

[madmadmax]

i would go to social services and report it, it may seam to him like you are trying to attack him in sum way but if its the best thing to do then it should be done and asap. the ambulance service and hospital will have a record of her condition she got to them in

[lozz]

Im so sorry to hear this sonia,
glad to hear she made a recovery tho,

Your ex takes fuel money off you? Thats wrong, at the end of the day he shouid be thinking of the childrens interest and taking money
for a visit is just wrong:

Iused to pick my children up every weekend, and drop them back off
also pick them up and take them to any doctors/hospital appointments or if they needed to travel anywhere,inever took apenny off the ex,

Iwouid get your solicitor on the Ball if you have concerns.
social services normaly dont apear to do much but they will Monitor in the background liasing with school staff/nurse so try not to worry: Are Cafcass involved?.

[lozz]

Girls have returned to him. To keep them I would be in breach of a court order and would be punished for breaching it.
Thanks for the idea, sadly the twins are 19 months younger than M, and they have only just turned 3.



Worst part is when she runs off screaming when it comes to him picking them up, screaming, crying for Mummy yet Mummy has no option but to send her back. She must think I hate her. Happy f*cking Mothers Day eh?

You dont have to send a child home if they refuse too:

ihad this with one of my children,the courts didnt punnish me, they dont have the powers to do so:
There rules get Breached day in day out,
the only thing they dont take kindly to is refusing to let a child see a parent, altho my ex got away with it,

Most of the courts paperwork is as good as toilet paper,