Quick email to Halfrauds!

[Welly]

Breaking news:

Two ex-Halfords employees were found guilty of ABH against a disgruntled customer yesterday. The prosecution stated that Mr Bailes, 24, of Pontyprid, had accused the employees of "acting like Monkey's" outside of one of their major service centres when Mr Bailes had arrived for a diagnostic appointment of his new Ford Mondeo. The defence heard that the two mechanics were sorry that on the day in question they were distracted by a small Dog outside and decided to give chase.

The court heard from one of the Mechanics, Mr S Panner, who has two children, "we never intended to offend Mr Bailes, we were looking forward to the challenge of re-programming his complicated dash board and the Dog was a way of releasing the stress because we were already on a warning from the Gaffer, like". The other Mechanic Mr W Brace, who has some children, said "we never wanted to lose our jobs over this, but the Customer is always right".

The Court heard that the two Mechanics, Panner and Brace, later plotted revenge on Mr Bailes and had stolen his home address from the Admin Office which they used to call at his home on the evening of 29 March 2013. They found Mr Bailes on his driveway polishing his bonnet and set about the grievous attack. In hospital surgeons spent 4 hours to remove a 1ltr-sized container of Blueberry Wheel Cleaner from Mr Bailes' anus whilst specialist teams worked to clear his stomach of Do-Do Juice Wax-safe Wash which he had been forced to drink by the pair.

You heard it here first.

[Bailes1992]

That would have almost been funny if you'd gotten my age right.
Jesus Welly, my year of birth is in my username! How did you manage to add 4 years onto it?


I kid, I pissed myself laughing and spat chicken all over my sister at the dinner table

[plod]

Love it Welly

[steve_earwig]

You're such a card Welly

Not sure you spotted it or not Sam but newspapers almost always get the facts wrong (been there )

[Welly]

Not sure you spotted it or not Sam but newspapers almost always get the facts wrong (been there )

Indeed, my first draft was far too much like the truth so it was edited to sound like complete bollocks......much better for the reader