and today i have mostly been...

[trufflehunt]

It takes courage to write as you have. Thoughts with you.

[steve_earwig]

Thankyou all for you wishes and kind words.

Kelv, I am sorry to stir up your pain, perhaps I was being a little selfish in writing but then it's probably better to talk about it, rather than bottle it up.

Re-reading the post 67777t5666666666666666 (thankyou George) I made last night I forgot to tell you that Tanja was never in any pain. Discomfort obviously, but mercifully no pain. If she had pain there was a plan to put her in hospital and probably drug her into unconsciousness but I'm glad this didn't happen as this way she was surrounded by the people that meant the most to her. And she really hated hospitals.

Christmas will have a different meaning to us now but I can't say that bothers me much because I'd rather remember Tanja than some guy that may not even have existed. Fortunately there aren't any kids in the family that are old enough to understand what's going on.

Her funeral is on Monday afternoon. The Croats do a nice service, it all feels very sincere and comfortably formal. After that the relatives will go home and friends and neighbours will stop coming and then the reality will hit Ivo. Or it would do, we're only half an hour away and my wife is off until the 13th...

By the way, probably not completely unrelated but today I had my first ever migraine aura. If my dad and brother didn't already have them and tell me what to expect I think I'd have probably crapped myself. I had no choice but to drive with it and at one point I thought I'd have to pull over and give up, but then I realised it was raining and I hadn't turned my wipers on

[Doggy]

That must've shaken you, even if you did understand what was going on.

Keep your chin up bud, we're thinking about you.

[steve_earwig]

This'll probably sound weird but, with everything else, it didn't really bother me much. I knew what it was and I knew it'd go away. I'd have rather not had to drive but it couldn't be helped. It didn't end with a proper migraine either so hey, if I get these instead of a real migraine, which I absolutely couldn't drive with and that could last a whole day, then it's a good trade-off really.

Thanks Eric I know it helps to be busy so I've been trying to do as much as I can, I even managed to raise a smile on Ivo earlier; he doesn't actually know how to use their washing machine so my wife will have to write him some instructions, I asked if he realises that you have to take the clothes off first... sadly 5 minutes later he was in tears again. Poor, poor guy.

[lozz]

Sorry to hear of the bad news steve,

[steve_earwig]

http://sjecanje.vecernji.hr/karakasic-tatjana-51620/

[davew]

sorry for your loss
my wife has just recently been diagnosed with breast cancer in both sides, she has had one operation about 2 weeks ago and needs another in a weeks time, then chemo, radio and hormone treatment.
no sign of any spread so we are keeping our fingers crossed she will be ok ,looks like it's going to be a long haul.
she is only 45 doesn't drink or smoke isn't over weight ,just goes to show anyone can get it.
sorry didn't mean to hijack your thread it just kinda touched a nerve when i read your post.

[Doggy]

Hope everything went as well as it could today, Steve.

[steve_earwig]

Cheers Eric, it all went ok, loads of people there, well over 100 I guess but I wasn't up for counting. It was only a tiny chapel and with us and all the flowers the mourners had a hard job working their was around us. Ivo did ok, it must have been unimaginably hard for him. We were back there today, there's a massive heap of flowers on the grave.

Incidentally I did see you'd posted yesterday, I'm on Tanja's pc when there's no visitors but I've got no passwords there and anyway I don't want to sit there being useless while there's washing up to be done I would have replied last night only my ISP thought I'd have a more interesting evening without the Internet (or tv)

Dave - No no no, you didn't hijack the thread, it was originally about my bad back but has meandered all over the place and back for an embarrassing number of pages now. Pretty much all my fault too

I should tell you that the cancer that took Tanja was particularly aggressive, unusually so.

You should explore all avenues, Tanja was drinking some sort of mushroom concoction, I can't remember what it's called (my wife will know) but it was meant to lessen the harmful side-effects of chemo (Google medical mushrooms). Another thing she was taking was Amygdalin(it's not cheap, I was buying it for her from Amazon because they deliver to here but you might find it elsewhere).

Interesting about the conspiracy theory, I wholeheartedly believe that the pharmaceutical companies would rather make lots of expensive (and probably ineffectual) treatments than one cure.

There is something else but I think I'd better PM it to you.

Above all never despair, I believe your strength is your biggest weapon.

We wish your wife and you all the best. Please let us know how your wife is getting on.

[davew]

thank you steve
some very helpful suggestions i will look into ,thanks for taking the time to reply during a difficult time for you.

[Welly]

Oh no Steve, sorry I haven't been on here until today and read this thread later (thinking it was you posting another Toyota-related failure) what can I say? only that I'm sorry to hear this it must have been horrible for you all.

I class you AS a friend, we PM each other a lot on here so feel I know the sort of guy you are, we are very similar I think.

Things will get better in time, you need to look after your wife. My wife lost her brother in 2006 after having lots of treatment for Hodgkin's he was never really well afterwards and suffered a heart attack on his own one day. She still needs a bit of support at Birthdays/Anniversaries and it is important for you to remember these dates and be ready to help. Christmas day won't be the same although I believe you usually try to keep the day simple which in a way will help I think.

You have my every sympathy and I will be thinking of you.

All the best for now, Welly

[steve_earwig]

Thanks mate. I'm just skimming the forum myself just now, trying to be more useful and looking after the mrs as you say. As is obvious she's taken it very hard, not only for the loss of a sister she was very close to but also thoughts of her own future.

[steve_earwig]

I'm going to start posting on this thread again, I've been reluctant as the subject has got rather disturbing but, like our lives, we have to carry on.

I'm afraid I got nowhere identifying which mushrooms Tanja was taking, all they seem to be know as is "Dr. so-and-so's mushrooms". And they taste absolutely vile. We've given most of Tanja's supplies away (the saline went to our vet) but there's still some of these mushrooms left, so I said I might have someone that needs them but the subject hasn't come up again and I don't like to bother Ivo with it, and anyway I don't know what sort of shelf life they have (if anything at all can grow in there).

Ivo still goes to the grave at least once a day. We were there last Sunday, my wife went off to get some candles while I waited by the grave, when she came back she was weeping again and I wasn't sure if it was for the usual reason or something had happened to her while I wasn't with her, I felt awful asking but I had to check. I feel kind of bad that I'm not weeping any more but I try to see it as Tanja would, she'd want us to grieve of course, but not too much "Ok, that's enough!"

As I think I said above, Ivo has a lady come to clean and help out with his parents almost every day, he complains bitterly that she doesn't do anything if he's not told her to do it and she keeps confusing his summer and winter socks and his short and long-sleeve shirts, so I think she's keeping him amused

[Welly]

Ivo still goes to the grave at least once a day

That's going to take a while, he probably feels like he must go, or that he's letting his wife down if he didn't go, or he's struggling without her and must be there to feel near to her (understandable). My wife still cries about her Brother 8-years on, especially if he's being talked about and she'll disappear off for a cry, crying alone I guess because no-one is and she maybe feels like she shouldn't.....bit complex really.

You might have to talk to Ivo at some point and say that he won't be letting her down if he didn't go every day, maybe he can go to the grave and speak, there's nothing wrong with talking to a loved one at the grave, he could voice what he's been doing and that he wants to make a special visit once a week and bring flowers/tend to things. He might feel better that he's 'told her' and this might free him up to do other things.

Just typed that and spotted you're now talking about your new Bike, sorry.

[steve_earwig]

Just typed that and spotted you're now talking about your new Bike, sorry.

Not a bit of it, I didn't spot yours 'til just now too. I guess it's my own fault for not starting another thread really. Umm, hold on... did that work? My god, it did Bicycle stuff now here viewtopic.php?f=5&t=21674

You're spot on, that's really what he needs, the trouble is Ivo is amazingly stubborn and will do what he wants to do, no matter what you tell him. I suppose it doesn't really matter, it's not far from his home, and anyway it's only 7 weeks ago it happened,