Welly fixes Astra over the telephone

[Welly]

Had an irate woman ring me earlier (let's call her Mrs_Welly) she was stranded in our village outside the shop the car was failing to start and there were loads of lights "flashing" on the dash and it was just spinning over on the key.....

Being a hero I instantly diagnosed* the problem from the clear* fault being shouted at me from the driver of the "piece of sh*t".....see I have special knowledge from when we ran Astra Vans at work.....

Me: have you dropped the keys just now?
her: err, yes the key came apart I had to fix the f*cking thing
me: where did you drop the key?
her: f*cking outside WHY?
me: can you get out and look around the floor where you dropped the key, look for a tiny black piece of plastic, like a square shape.
her: mutter muter, f*cking thing, f*ck sake, tut...tut...oh found it...what you mean that was in my key?
me: yes now open the key again and slide that plastic chip thing into the grove thing inside the key case....
her: f*ck sake
her: right I think I've got it
me: crank it again.
her: wurr wurr wurr Broommmmm!!! oh it's "working" again and all the lights have gone off.
me: when I get home I'll fix you up with the decent spare key.
her: f*ck sake

IR HERO car was immobilised as it couldn't 'see' the chip.

Call out charges vary.

[Doggy]

Truly impressive.

I too have carried out several similar legendary pieces of remote diagnosis. and a few of the other kind*

I'm guessing you have now built a cast iron case for keeping said ashtray indefinitely, since you can fix* it with such consummate ease.

[steve_earwig]

So what? I fixed someone else's car in another country over the Internet! On this very forum...

Nah, damn good catch sir. Navigating the irate,, erm, owner and those transponders are tiny so it's bordering on a bleedin' miracle really.

[Welly]

And did the owner* thank me for helping?


Nah.


Have I cobbled together one good key from two?


Kinda


At least she's been trained in the art of fixing Poxhorl Arsetray vehicle immobilisation solutions 'out in the field' as it were. Hopefully I won't be getting any similar calls again.....


Last weekend I offered an idea that I'd have a go at fixing the rear brakes myself......she said "no don't do that I've got to drive to my Mums in a couple of weeks" such is her confidence in my spannering

She got £100.00 out of her savings yesterday 'towards' the cost that I will be paying for the brakes

[steve_earwig]

You could buy a damn good trolley jack for 100 quid you know...

[Bailes1992]

My girlfriend has a go at me for taking my car to a garage when I can do I myself.

[Doggy]

Get 'Sam's Motahs' to sort the brakes, share / drink proceeds*.

Simples.

*Pictures are mandatory, other spanner-wielding drinking companions are available

[DaiRees]

I once diagnosed a split turbo hose on my brother's Saab 9-5 over the phone from his shockingly bad description of the symptoms and despite his local spanner monkey assuring him that it wasn't that on 3 separate occasions. You can imagine the level of smugness that overcame me when they eventually found and fixed it! Got our very own Lou to thank for that, wasn't long after the strongbow incident

I'd be doing those brakes myself though Welters. I too have subscribed to the "lets use the moneys I'd be giving the garage to buy the tools, then they're here for next time" technique. I don't yet have a brake caliper winding tool though...

[Welly]

My girlfriend has a go at me for taking my car to a garage when I can do I myself.

Get 'Sam's Motahs' to sort the brakes, share / drink proceeds*.

Simples.

*Pictures are mandatory, other spanner-wielding drinking companions are available

I'm reading that as: Sam sorts the brakes and I spend some time with his girlfriend? or is that wrong?

[steve_earwig]

[Doggy]

I'm reading that as: Sam sorts the brakes and I spend some time with his girlfriend? or is that wrong?

Very wrong.

You're old enough to own a Volvo.