How to 'earn' £333k per hour

[Doggy]

Set up a traffic light camera scam, like Nottinghamshire Police.

Seems they have photographic evidence of a certain 406 'contravening a red traffic light' by a margin of 1 second and have served yours truly with a notice of intended prosecution.
I may be eligible to stump up £92.50 to attend a course instead of persecution.
The alterantive looks like £100 fine + 3 points, so I won't be joining that queue.
Guess I'll get them to send me the evidence just in case there's some haggle room, but I'm not optomistic.

[steve_earwig]

Oh buggery bollocks The amount of "safety" cameras in the UK now are a big reason I'm glad I don't have to drive there any more. There are now so many they can't possibly have much to do with safety any more, they're just another way of stripping cash off of the public. The UK has some of the safest (if not the, factoring in the amount of cars there are) roads in the world, so what do they want? I'd not be surprised that they start pushing things the other way, that is make the roads more dangerous as drivers become more worried about cameras than they are about other cars to crash into or pedestrians to squash.

[Welly]

Oh fucksticks. Both me and Mrs_Welly have had speeding fines* this year so I feel your pain.

Bit shitty though as there was probably a good reason you were in that situation i.e. for safety rather than cause a pile up behind you.

Have a nice day at the Holiday Inn Corby, as you head through reception take the long corridor to your right and the training* room is at the end on the right. Light refreshments* and nice* cake* is served in the interval. Plenty of condescension and overwhelming smug authority can also be enjoyed throughout the day. Please refrain from talking about Audi motorcars.

[Doggy]

Thanks for the advice, guess I won't have far to travel and I'll have plenty of time to memorise the tribute nights posters etc.

I do, however take issue with you using the terms Audi & motorcar synonymously. Such conduct is inappropriate in an officer of this forum.

[steve_earwig]

Would "Auto Union" be better? You know, Hitler's favourite racing team (now owned by the Volkswagen Galactic Empire of smoke, mirrors and more smoke, coincidentally founded by the guy with the silly moustache)

[Doggy]

I think that sums them up pretty well.

I have been meaning to find the correct German translation for 'bullshit' to append to Vorsprung Durch.....
but I've just realised after 30+ years of dealing with German machinery suppliers, that the correct translation really is 'Technik'.

[Welly]

Welly_Junior is doing German Language as a degree and just last night we were having a laugh translating German car-related words; as you know English-to-German doesn't always translate back to English as they like to say things in the wrong* order.

The literal translations:

Speedometer = "speed shower"

Spark Plugs = "engine candles"

Mileometer = "travel recorder"

Headlamp = "shine thrower"

[steve_earwig]

You'd find just as many daft things in English if you think about it. Clutch? You have a chicken laying eggs under your bonnet?

Most of the time Croats use the German for anything technical, the Croatian does exist and people usually know what it is but they'd rather use the German

Speedometer = "speed meter"

Spark Plugs = "spark plug" - "svjećica", candle is "svijeća" so the derivation is probably "little candle"

Mileometer = Hmm, not really sure, probably something like "kilometer counter" Ah yes, I've found t'wife's picture dictionary. Mind you, most of this is out of date.

Headlamp = "Front floodlight with long and short lights"

[Doggy]

I come across these regularly in the form of baffling fault messages.
One recent example was "Drive 1 Throttle, Excess Temperature", which turned out be an overheating line reactor , (aka choke).

Another good one we came across recently - schnecke austosser, (which if you haven't guessed is a screw extractor).

The French have some good ones too, I particularly like:

gearbox - boîte de vitesses, (box of speeds).
passer la valise - literally hand over the bag - an expression they use for effectively giving the main dealer your wallet. Some things are universal, it seems.